The Ugly Truth About Self Care (& Why Bubble Baths Won’t Solve Your Problems)
This year I set out to make drastic changes in an attempt to reach my highest potential.
I decided to get healthy, grow a business, get out of debt, travel, and really develop my interpersonal relationships.
But I knew none of that would be possible if I did not also take care of myself, so I deep-dived into self-care, too.
I did everything from monthly pedicures to steaming eye masks. I practiced great skincare, got regular massages, journaled daily, and everything in between, even adding the occasional bubble bath in for fun.
You name it, I tried it.
However, after a few weeks of trying to do it all AND take care of myself, I realized that as nice as all the extra personal care felt in the moment, I was still burning myself out pretty aggressively.
My self-care started to feel like another task on an endless to-do list instead of something I looked forward to.
After struggling with this for a month or two and putting my all into the things I strived for, the truth became pretty obvious.
The things that are involved in really taking care of ourselves don’t often feel good in the moment.
The Non-Aesthetic Reality
Self-care isn’t about bubble baths and manicures, although those are pieces of my life that I still love.
Self-care is about getting my butt out of bed at 5 AM on a Monday morning even when I don’t want to because I want to reap all the benefits of a good workout.
Self-care is about getting a sports massage so my sciatica doesn’t flare up instead of the low-pressure relaxing massage I want to ask for instead.
Self-care is keeping my doctors and dentist appointments and getting labs done every year, even though I am terrified of needles.
Self-care is showing up for myself, day after day.
No Hustle Mentality To Be Found
On the flip side, I need to make one thing clear: self-care does not equate to a hustle lifestyle just because it involves sticking to your commitments.
I like to keep Sunday afternoons and an hour each evening reserved for not doing anything productive, and this in itself could be considered mental self-care sometimes.
I can choose to be productive if I want to, but I can also read some fantasy novels or play Pokémon or scroll on Pinterest and not feel guilty about it because I know I took care of all my things the rest of the week.
I don’t have to beat myself up for taking a chill day and not getting work done because I planned it that way (there’s freedom in the organization, I promise).
In other words, self-care does not mean being “on” all the time.
It means I give myself breaks, I give myself grace when I have a rough night and know the extra hour of sleep would do me more good than the treadmill, and I don’t feel guilty for taking my me-time because it’s all part of my self-care plan.
If you’re struggling to grasp this concept, think of the 80/20 principle.
Most of the time, about 80% of it, I am on my game and accomplishing my goals, which include self-care activities I have turned into habits.
For example, on weekends, when I am relaxing and don’t feel like cooking dinner, I can throw a pizza in the oven knowing I did well by my health the other days of the week.
Self-care is not easy; it’s a conscious act of balancing what you need to do to take care of yourself and what you want to do for the hell of it 20% of the time.
So, Like, What Is It?
Self-care can include a lot of things. In fact, it can be almost anything.
For me, it does involve monthly massages and pedicures, but it also includes making sure my physical, mental, and emotional well-being are taken care of.
I do this through lifting weights, journaling, reading, gratitude, and meditation. These are the things I consider “taking care” of myself, whether I feel like doing them or not.
For you, this may look like getting more steps in your day, an educational podcast, and getting 9 hours of sleep.
I can’t define what it is for you, but here’s how you can find the answer:
What have you put off doing that you know will make your life just a little bit better every day?
Think about the different aspects of your well-being, about your physical, mental, and emotional health, and come up with small ways to improve your balance in these areas.
That is how you take care of yourself.
What does taking care of you look like? Where can you show up for yourself?
The answer is your path toward radical self-acceptance, personal trust and confidence, and your overall success.
